Steph’s Blog

Tomorrow my Abby goes back to school.

I have yet to figure out how I feel about this exactly. I love having her home with Megan and I each day and I am going to miss her happy go lucky presence in the house all day long.

I can feel the tears already…she will be fine…I know this with certainty but I have my doubts about myself.

I will blame it on pregnancy hormones for now.

It seems to be that time of year again…or almost. The weather has gotten cooler again and school is just around the corner (GASP!). The corn has changed again, gardens are ready to be picked for canning tomatoes and pickling cucumbers, Scott will go back to regular work hours and before we know it the bus will be pulling up to swallow up my Abigail again and Megan and I will be here waving goodbye to her.

The girls have had such a wonderful summer together that I am not sure I like the thought of Abigail leaving us once again to go back to school. They have become the best of friends over the summer. They have these funny little conversations between them and they even seem to have inside jokes that Scott and I don’t quite grasp. They play together all day, share snacks and drinks, try to get each other into trouble or out of trouble as sisters do and try to generally make each other happy. I think one of the biggest things that has prompted this closeness is the fact that they are sharing a bedroom now. With the new baby coming in February we decided to move Megan into Abigail’s room so that the baby could have his or her own room. Our bedtime routine is a little different these days, there isn’t anymore rocking with Meg in the rocking chair at nap time or bed time (which I miss terribly), there are longer story times, more lullabies, and WAY more giggling and chit chatting after Scott and I have left the room. We sit down in the living room at night laughing at how funny and sweet they sound until we notice how much time has passed and that these kids really need to get to sleep before 9:30 each night.

It amazes me to see how much these little girls of mine have grown and changed into “bigger” girls over the summer and I am so looking forward to seeing how much they grow and change throughout the year and after the baby comes. Abigail somewhat knows what to expect but this will be all new to Megan…I am hoping Abigail will take her little sisters hand and gently guide her through the first few days of having a new sibling with the same gentle grace that she had when Megan was born.

They have taught me and reminded me of so many things over the summer by just watching them be together. When people tell you that you will live and learn through your kids all over again they aren’t kidding!

It has just been one of those days…to say the least.

Yesterday at this time I was relaxed and happy knowing that Abigail didn’t have to go to school for the next 12 days. I was going over all the different things the three of us girls were going to do over Easter vacation. Granted nothing I have planned is overly exciting, I was just planning things like some spring cleaning, going to the playground with some friends if the weather was nice, maybe doing some new fun arts and crafts stuff if the weather was on the rainy side, I think mostly I was excited to know that I had her and Megan home with me for almost two full weeks…I was thrilled! Note that I said “was”.

Today was a day from Hell. That is an understatement. It was so bad that I don’t know what else to call it but a “bad day”. Megan was up at her usual 5:00am and was starting to melt down by 8:00am. Abigail was up at 6:15am when she normally would have slept in until 8:00 or so. Not today…they were already fighting and crying the minute Scott was out the door at 7:00. I decided I would fix breakfast and then we would get on with our day. No big deal there right? Wrong! These girls of mine continued to unravel little by little over the tiniest things…things that were so small I don’t think I can even recall what one of those little things happened to be! I decided to give them a morning bath this morning to mix things up a little bit. What a stupid idea that was. Apparently Megan hogs all the water, Abigail’s long legs irritate Megan and neither one of them even wanted to consider sharing the bath toys. What a lovely day. Needless to say they got washed, dried and dressed at mach speed. At least the crying stopped and they were coloring quietly shortly after the bath debacle was over. I took a look at the clock thinking lunch isn’t too far around the corner. Wrong again. It is 9:07am. Jesus this day will never end. I take a deep breath and just remind myself that they are probably a bit tired and move towards more positive thinking…Nap time for Megan will be a welcomed break today!

To shorten this up a bit we made it through lunch and I got Megan down for her nap. I was just sitting down to play a game with Abigail when Megan wakes up crying and miserable after a short 40 minute nap. So Abigail and I do everything in our power to console her…she continues to cry and nothing would soothe her so I decided to just let her have a good cry and get it all out. After all doesn’t everyone need a good cry once in a while? This did not go as well as I had hoped. She is now exhausted, sniffling and even more tired. Normally after a good cry the girls have a little giggle about how silly it all was and then get on with things and it’s back to blue skies and sunshine. Well someone took that sunshine and shoved it…well never mind.

We all get a drink of juice and trudge on when I realized it was barely 1:30. Good God in Heaven this day is dragging on. We move on to some playtime upstairs and a little cleaning here and there. For the most part the girls are playing well and they even have managed to get a crown on Guinness the Beagle Pup…now he was the unhappy one in that pouty hound dog sort of way.

Finally the sunshine has broken through the clouds and Scott is home! Hallelujah! There are hugs and kisses and even my cranky girls are happy to see Daddy too. At this point I am starting to think that maybe they just have it in for me.

We start dinner and I play a computer game with the girls while dinner is in the oven. So far so good. We sit down to eat and everyone is munching away and chatting along and then WHAMO…Megan loses it. She is not happy that she doesn’t have a blueberry waffle on her dinner plate to go along with her chicken and mashed potatoes. You would have thought that the sky came crashing down around her. Scott all of a sudden was more than thrilled to take Guinness to the vet tonight.

We get through the rest of dinner and our nightly routine and finally it’s back to hugs, kisses and smiles all around. I am grateful. I filled with gratitued. I am also filled with guilt. I kiss my babies and tuck them in bed and I realize that I have been just as grumpy and short tempered today as they have been been. In fact I think that we have just fed off of each others misery today. You know the saying…Misery loves company. Well misery is in good company today. I kiss each of my girls and whisper “Mommy is sorry for being so grouchy today.” and they just hug and smooch me. Megan has already forgotten all about the long hard day we have had and is happy sleepy smiles and Abigail just hugs me and says “We all have bad days Mommy.”. Indeed!
What a day! I have promised myself that tomorrow I will wake up with a smile and make the best out our day together. I am going to be thankful for the day even if the kids are crying and fighting and turning my hair white. I remind myself that I am so lucky to have them, tears, tantrums…you name it. Tomorrow I am going to embrace it and be a better Mom for it. After all, nothing worth having comes easily right?

Catherine Newman wrote a book titled, Waiting for Birdy. I have followed Catherine’s blogs on BabyCenter.com since I was pregnant for Abigail. She encompasses what being a mother means, how it feels and everything in between. There is a passage in her book that sums it all up for me and moves me in such a heartfelt way. It says exactly what I feel. The passage reads;

Sometimes I wonder whether I would have done this-this becoming a parent-if I had known. You know, known about this love that’s like heartbreak. Mostly and obviously, I think: Of course. Don’t be silly. But sometimes my love for these children feels almost like an affliction-like my heart is in the fist of a beast, and I am utterly helpless.

You know that it’s love when its painfully sweet and completely out of your control.

Tomorrow I am going to breath a little easier, speak softer and embrace my gifts.

Well being Irish I thought it would be appropriate to wish everyone, Irish or not, A Very Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Be careful not to dress your wee ones in too much green on St. Patrick’s Day! It is said to be, that green is the favorite color of the fairies! I will be sure to dress my little ones in just enough to keep the Luck-o-the Irish with them but not enough for those little fairies to whisk them away!

Blessings to you and yours!

St. Patrick was a gentleman
Who through strategy and stealth
Drove all the snakes from Ireland,
Here’s a toasting to his health;
But not too many toastings
Lest you lose yourself and then
Forget the good St. Patrick
And see all those snakes again!

(Here’s to our loud Irish families Betsy! I will be sure to raise a glass for you and yours! Blessings! )