Steph’s Blog

I had no idea how lucky I was until just recently. I knew I was blessed and lucky but I had no idea HOW blessed and lucky!
I am going to level with you…I have been having a rough go of it with some postpartum depression in the weeks following Keely’s birth. Now, don’t get me wrong…I ADORE having this new little person here with us but even when I am looking at her and feeling that amazing feeling a mother feels for her new baby I still had this sad, nagging, heavy feeling weighing on me all the time. For the life of me I could not shake it. I went in to talk to my OB about it but only after a strong shove from Scott and a dear friend of mine. I know that this is something that is not out of the ordinary for new moms but none the less I still could not bring myself to call my Dr until I got a kick in the pants. I guess maybe because I didn’t want to admit that I wasn’t feeling as wonderful as I was telling everyone. Once I went to the OB and he started me on the right path, little by little I started to let people know what was really going on. I didn’t feel the need to close the door after people left so I could finally cry, I started crying when I talked to them on the phone, in my kitchen, in an email…you name it…the flood gates opened! This is where I found out how lucky I am. I have some amazing people in my life. These people have rallied around me when I needed them most. Scott has been helping me hold my head above water so I am not so overwhelmed 24/7, he has managed to be completely calm and patient with my tears and frustration and he has just held me even when I didn’t know that I just needed to lean on someone. My sisters kicked it into high gear and called me just to tell me they loved me, they came for dinner or lunch and made me laugh…I hadn’t realized how good it felt to laugh. Really and truly laugh. The dearest friend I have ever had called me often and emailed me daily to tell me it was ok, that I wasn’t nuts, and that she loved me. My mom took all 3 kids for me so Scott and I could just go to the store alone and get some air. Other friends and family say they “just offered an ear”, it wasn’t “just” and ear…it meant a lot to me to have all these people to turn to when I needed it most.

I like to think that I am a self sufficient and an independent woman so it was rather difficult to realize that I needed to let someone else help carry the load. It made me swallow my pride and really listen to what my doctor was telling me and take the steps from there. If had not had my doctor, my husband, my family and my friends I am not sure that I would be doing as well as I am today. It is hard to share that raw emotion with someone let alone everyone closest to me. Because of them I am really enjoying Keely…I was enjoying her before but now I am enjoying her newly found smiles and coos without feeling like something was looming over me.

The sun is shining, the baby is smiling and so am I, thanks to everyone who loves us.

May the sun shine, all day long,
everything go right, and nothing wrong.
May those you love bring love back to you,
and may all the wishes you wish come true!

It has been a long time…too long. Our family has been incredibly busy over the past few months with the holiday’s, birthday’s and most obviously preparing for the arrival of our newest addition. It has all gone by so fast and the days just seem to keep flying by at breakneck speeds.

I can’t figure out how 24 hours can fly by they way they seem to. I wish I could slow it down just a little. I want to keep these last few weeks around a little bit longer and to linger in the newness of it all. I guess maybe because I know how fast Keely is going to grow and before I know it she won’t be this tiny, sweet smelling pink bundle in my arms. That and the fact that this is mostly likely the last time I will have a new little bundle of my own. It is bittersweet.
I am enjoying the sight of little baby things all over the house, the bassinet in our living room that was once used for Keely’s sisters and most of I all I am enjoying the use of my rocking chair again. It has been sitting in the baby’s room waiting patiently for me for the last 9 months. When I feed Keely in the night it’s nice to know that it’s just her and I. I have her all to myself as we doze on and off to the familiar creek of my comfortable rocker. I try to remember that being tired is a small price to pay for the huge gift I have been given once again, so I am embracing it while I can. I breathe in her sweet new baby smell and listen to all her sweet little noises. I love to hear how she squeaks and sighs as she eats and sleeps. It is hard to remember that just three weeks ago Keely was not here with us yet, it feels as though she has always been here.

Life is good for us. Scott and I are taking in each day, enjoying the sight and sound of our three little bundles of joy. What more could we ask for?!

“A new born babe, rings light to the cottage, warmth to the heart & joy to the soul, for wealth is family - family is wealth”

I admit it freely, this is one of the best days of the year for me. A whole day dedicated to Mom’s!

I woke up this morning to a bed full of giggles, tail wags and the smell of coffee. There was Scott, Abigail, Megan and Guinness the Beagle Pup (who happens to be 50 pounds now!) all in bed with me. What a wonderful way to wake up. Abigail could hardly contain herself as she pulled her hand made gifts for me out of her hiding place, that just happened to be under our bed. What a funny kid…Mom’s room is always safe so lets hide Mom’s gifts under her bed (what place could be better right?). Thanks to her wonderful kindergarten teacher sixteen mom’s got the sweetest cookbooks and hand decorated pots with little aloe plants in them. When I was younger I couldn’t figure out what was so great about hand made stuff, twenty some years later it is crystal clear that it is all about those little hands making something “just right” for Mommy. I am not too proud to admit that in our cramped giggling bed this morning I was warmed to the soul and brought to tears. I could tell that she took her time writing out the card she made me for Mother’s Day. If I had to guess, I would safely bet that it was the exact same cut out rose glued to pink construction paper that I made for my Mom almost twenty four years ago. It will be tucked in a box under my bed along with all the other little tokens she has made for Scott and I and in another twenty four years I bet it will still make me cry.

Mother’s Day is not just about me though. It is about all Moms. More importantly, my Mom. Anyone who knows me, and I mean really knows anything about me, knows that my Mom is my hero. She is the woman who worked long full time hours as a nurse (and still does), raised my older brother, myself and my two younger sisters all while being a farmers wife. If you have never lived on a farm or been married to a farmer you don’t have a clue what that last statement means so just take my word for it…it’s no cake walk. She is the woman who cares for everyone in our family. When I say everyone I really mean it. She takes care of her mother and oldest sister, helps my Dad’s mother, is there for all her siblings, my dad’s siblings, her friends and all of us kids, our spouses and our children at the drop of a hat. Talk about a full plate. How she does it all is beyond me. She is probably the strongest woman I know and will ever meet in my life. If I can be a tenth of the woman she is I will be happy. She has gone from; “my mom who makes me clean my room every weekend”, to “my mom who can’t understand what it’s like to be a teenager” (sorry for those teenage angst years Mom!), to my best friend. My mom was there with Scott and I the very second both our daughters took their first breath. From that moment she has been a rock for both Scott and I. She knows what I am worrying about or thinking even before I do most times. She knows what to say to soothe me or my kids even when I think nothing will. She listens to me complain and comforts me when I cry. She is there to share in the largest of milestones and the simplest of joys. She loves all of us unconditionally. I wish everyone could have a mother like mine.

Abigail asked me today if I knew how much she loved me. My reply, “Yes Ab, I do.” “I love my Mommy just like you love me.” We ended with an Eskimo kiss and that deep in your bones sort of love and she skipped off yet again, with my heart in her hands.

Happy Mother’s Day!

You are my Hero Mom. I love you.
Mothers hold their children’s hands for just a little while…and their hearts forever.

~Irish Proverb~

This is a blog for those faithful readers of mine.

I cannot believe that I have so many people that faithfully check back and read my blog even though I am terrible at blogging on a regular basis! I am so amazed that people actually want to read about the things in my life! The comments that some have left for me to read warm me to the core of my being. I started this blog after my husband nagged me long enough that I just did it to shut him up. I hate to admit it, but he was right. I love this…I love this outlet that I have found. I love that my children will be able to read this one day and see the way that they have blessed my life.
Betsy has left me two comments that nearly brought me to tears! I thank you for writing the wonderful words that you have written to me. Your family sounds beautiful and much like ours. We are very lucky souls Betsy!
I love to share what my life is about. I feel that I am so blessed to have the life I have that I want to share it with everyone. I want everyone to feel the way I do, to love the way I do and to be loved the way that I am.
Thank you all for reading and for your comments, it makes me want to continue to write more and share more of our life with you. I have a stock pile of blogs in my brain right now, it just takes some time to get them posted. With two kids it takes a while since I do it all the typing one handed! Just Kidding of course! ;). Thank you again and I will be blogging more soon.