Just Breathe
The last two weeks have been nuts around here.
Lysol has made a fortune off us and I am pretty sure that our pediatrician has too. As you may have guessed the kids have been sick. Abigail had a stomach bug for 3 or 4 days and Megan had a horrible ear infection and chest cold that graced us with a fever of 103.5-103.8 at any given moment. Did I mention that they were both sick and miserable at the same time? I didn’t? Well let me just tell you that it was not a fun couple of weeks around this place getting everyone back to normal.
Now that those couple of weeks are over the last 2 or 3 days have been much better. Megan has stopped screaming at any and every one and Abigail is eating and back to her normal happy school loving self. Now Scott and I feel like it’s alright to take a breath again. That we don’t have to feel that chest thumping panic every time we hear a cough in the night that doesn’t sound quite right, or I don’t have to blink back tears as Abigail is crying on the bathroom floor because she doesn’t want to throw up anymore but there is nothing I can do to stop it. Thank Heaven above that they are better.
I hate it when the kids are sick. I hate that most of the time I just have to ride it out and there isn’t much of anything to do but let it run its course. I hate when they feel miserable and I can’t control how soon they get better or take all the hurt away. It makes me nuts plain and simple.
Last night I got my repayment for all the hours that I spent pacing around the house like an anxious animal trapped in a cage. I was rocking Megan after her bedtime story last night and she just put her head on my shoulder and said “shh”. She didn’t want me to sing any lullabies last night and she didn’t want anymore stories, she just wanted a quiet rock in our creaky rocking chair. So that is what I did…I rocked and listened. I listened to the sound of breathing that wasn’t raspy and I smelled a baby fresh from the tub–a baby that wasn’t slathered in Baby Vick’s, just the smell of baby soap.
Just when I think I have won the bedtime lottery it gets better. I climbed into bed with Abigail after her Daddy finished their story. It was time for our nightly “sniggle” so I turned on her lullaby CD and cozied up. We chatted about our day for a few minutes and few odd things in between that she has pondered about and then she sniggled in and quieted down. All I can hear is her breathing. Tonight it is slow and soft and sleepy, she has no more anxiousness or fear that she is going to throw up in the night and be all alone. She was just a tired happy girl who was sniggling and falling asleep with Mommy.
It is music to a parents ears to hear the soft sound of little breaths and get little cuddles in the quiet of that space in time between sleepiness and sleep. I told myself to just breathe. I let myself take in the quiet and finally after 2 long weeks I smiled and thought “Jackpot!”.