Wonderful Bad Day
It has just been one of those days…to say the least.
Yesterday at this time I was relaxed and happy knowing that Abigail didn’t have to go to school for the next 12 days. I was going over all the different things the three of us girls were going to do over Easter vacation. Granted nothing I have planned is overly exciting, I was just planning things like some spring cleaning, going to the playground with some friends if the weather was nice, maybe doing some new fun arts and crafts stuff if the weather was on the rainy side, I think mostly I was excited to know that I had her and Megan home with me for almost two full weeks…I was thrilled! Note that I said “was”.
Today was a day from Hell. That is an understatement. It was so bad that I don’t know what else to call it but a “bad day”. Megan was up at her usual 5:00am and was starting to melt down by 8:00am. Abigail was up at 6:15am when she normally would have slept in until 8:00 or so. Not today…they were already fighting and crying the minute Scott was out the door at 7:00. I decided I would fix breakfast and then we would get on with our day. No big deal there right? Wrong! These girls of mine continued to unravel little by little over the tiniest things…things that were so small I don’t think I can even recall what one of those little things happened to be! I decided to give them a morning bath this morning to mix things up a little bit. What a stupid idea that was. Apparently Megan hogs all the water, Abigail’s long legs irritate Megan and neither one of them even wanted to consider sharing the bath toys. What a lovely day. Needless to say they got washed, dried and dressed at mach speed. At least the crying stopped and they were coloring quietly shortly after the bath debacle was over. I took a look at the clock thinking lunch isn’t too far around the corner. Wrong again. It is 9:07am. Jesus this day will never end. I take a deep breath and just remind myself that they are probably a bit tired and move towards more positive thinking…Nap time for Megan will be a welcomed break today!
To shorten this up a bit we made it through lunch and I got Megan down for her nap. I was just sitting down to play a game with Abigail when Megan wakes up crying and miserable after a short 40 minute nap. So Abigail and I do everything in our power to console her…she continues to cry and nothing would soothe her so I decided to just let her have a good cry and get it all out. After all doesn’t everyone need a good cry once in a while? This did not go as well as I had hoped. She is now exhausted, sniffling and even more tired. Normally after a good cry the girls have a little giggle about how silly it all was and then get on with things and it’s back to blue skies and sunshine. Well someone took that sunshine and shoved it…well never mind.
We all get a drink of juice and trudge on when I realized it was barely 1:30. Good God in Heaven this day is dragging on. We move on to some playtime upstairs and a little cleaning here and there. For the most part the girls are playing well and they even have managed to get a crown on Guinness the Beagle Pup…now he was the unhappy one in that pouty hound dog sort of way.
Finally the sunshine has broken through the clouds and Scott is home! Hallelujah! There are hugs and kisses and even my cranky girls are happy to see Daddy too. At this point I am starting to think that maybe they just have it in for me.
We start dinner and I play a computer game with the girls while dinner is in the oven. So far so good. We sit down to eat and everyone is munching away and chatting along and then WHAMO…Megan loses it. She is not happy that she doesn’t have a blueberry waffle on her dinner plate to go along with her chicken and mashed potatoes. You would have thought that the sky came crashing down around her. Scott all of a sudden was more than thrilled to take Guinness to the vet tonight.
We get through the rest of dinner and our nightly routine and finally it’s back to hugs, kisses and smiles all around. I am grateful. I filled with gratitued. I am also filled with guilt. I kiss my babies and tuck them in bed and I realize that I have been just as grumpy and short tempered today as they have been been. In fact I think that we have just fed off of each others misery today. You know the saying…Misery loves company. Well misery is in good company today. I kiss each of my girls and whisper “Mommy is sorry for being so grouchy today.” and they just hug and smooch me. Megan has already forgotten all about the long hard day we have had and is happy sleepy smiles and Abigail just hugs me and says “We all have bad days Mommy.”. Indeed!
What a day! I have promised myself that tomorrow I will wake up with a smile and make the best out our day together. I am going to be thankful for the day even if the kids are crying and fighting and turning my hair white. I remind myself that I am so lucky to have them, tears, tantrums…you name it. Tomorrow I am going to embrace it and be a better Mom for it. After all, nothing worth having comes easily right?
Catherine Newman wrote a book titled, Waiting for Birdy. I have followed Catherine’s blogs on BabyCenter.com since I was pregnant for Abigail. She encompasses what being a mother means, how it feels and everything in between. There is a passage in her book that sums it all up for me and moves me in such a heartfelt way. It says exactly what I feel. The passage reads;
Sometimes I wonder whether I would have done this-this becoming a parent-if I had known. You know, known about this love that’s like heartbreak. Mostly and obviously, I think: Of course. Don’t be silly. But sometimes my love for these children feels almost like an affliction-like my heart is in the fist of a beast, and I am utterly helpless.
You know that it’s love when its painfully sweet and completely out of your control.
Tomorrow I am going to breath a little easier, speak softer and embrace my gifts.